Why committing a crime is appealing

Do you find motherhood like prison but fear it would be wrong to admit it? Well you’re not alone – me too! In fact I’ve recently discovered that I would have significantly more liberties if I committed a crime.

5 ways I find motherhood like prison. Or put another way – 5 things I could do if I was locked up.

1 Bed

I’m guessing that when it’s lights out in prison then that’s it lights out. It’s not ‘please can I have another story, even though you’ve just read me the same story every night for two weeks and you don’t even need to look at the words any more’. Or ‘I need a drink of water, mummy.’ It’s not ‘I need the toilet, mummy.’ It’s not ‘I can’t find my stuffed toy that I haven’t looked at for months but I really need right now or I’ll never be able to get to sleep.’

It’s just ‘lights out’, sleep. Bliss.

2 Newspaper

From the little research I’ve done in to prison life (oh yes, you thought I was kidding, no I’ve looked this up just to see how well off I’d be), all inmates can have a newspaper in their cell. A newspaper? Can you even remember the last time you read a newspaper? Sometimes I grab the local free newspaper, just to see what child friendly screenings might be coming up at the local cinema, or what ‘family’ events might be on. ‘Family’ of course meaning ‘for children’ with nothing particularly that adults want to do. Well there is – there’s a bouncy castle but when do they allow the parents on these days?

Every day I could read a newspaper, uninterrupted!

3 Sweets

Apparently all inmates are allowed spending money, it varies on the crime committed but as I’m not planning anything too major I reckon I’d have quite a big allowance. I could spend all that on sweets. There would be no need to hide them, or share them. I wouldn’t have to eat them on the sly while only eating fruit in front of anyone else.

Pure sugar, all for me.

4 Music

Prisoners are allowed a device to listen to music on and presumably this means their own choice of music too. I wouldn’t have to listen to the Singing Kettle’s version of 1 potato, 2 potato on endless repeat. I wouldn’t even have to make up a zillion verses to it in the car because I wouldn’t be in the car, I’d be in prison, in my own room, listening to my music.

Just T-Rex and me.

5 Toilet

Now here’s the biggy. I would actually get to go to the toilet ALONE!

So is motherhood like prison? Nah, not really. Prison has many more liberties.

Have I forgotten anything?

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